One of the most effective strategies I've experienced for loving
communication is Compassionate Communications, CC. It's based on
Rosenberg, M., 1991, Nonviolent Communication (Puddledancer, CA).
CC's four parts are
1. observe without evaluating,
2. share feelings,
3. state needs and
4. request, without demanding, what you need right now.
CC may be expressed in words, facial expressions, body language,
gestures, or just understood silently, when you internally
experience empathy for one another's feelings and needs.
You and your lover open each of the energy centers in your
bodies--your chakras--more when you and they see and hear each other
without blame or judgement, when you each state how you feel about
what you observe, then express what you need, value, seek and feel,
as well as the thoughts that evoke your feelings and, finally, when
you listen empathetically to one another's requests for immediate
CC helps you and your lovers meet your needs at the first chakra,
your health, safety, belonging and security center. CC builds
security and safety: you learn you can count on each other to reveal
your truths so you know what each of you is feeling and know these
emotions will be expressed kindly. You directly observe and share
your emotional reactions to one another's exercise, eating, and
health practices. You each connect your needs to the emotional
reactions you have to each other's health practices. As a
consequence, you feel closer to each other. Closer, you're better
meeting each other's belonging needs. And belonging's essential to
first chakra health.
For your second chakras, sex, CC makes things clear and better
immediately, as you each express your sexual needs and feel them
Third chakra, power, is served by the respect inherent in CC; CC
incentives each of you to take your due in life and honor each
Your hearts, Chakra Four, of course, open more fully as you give and
receive CC and feel seen, felt, empathized with, and accommodated
enthusiastically in your requests. CC improves Chakra
Five (Communication) contact as you express empathy and request
CC facilitates clarity, Chakra Six, deepening your understanding of
each other as you practice intuiting each other's feelings and needs
and requesting feedback on your intuitions. At the level of this
chakra, which is also the vision chakra, CC focus you on clarity of
perception: what you see and hear, the first step in CC.
Your Spiritual Chakras, Seven, open up as you increasingly
experience your oneness with each other and all humanity through
CC's simple expedient of observe, share emotion, request what you
Notice (and write up) a negative emotional reaction you have to the
behavior of your lover or a friend.
a.) Tell her or him what you saw or heard her or him do or say. Then
Then b.) say how you felt when you saw or heard the behavior you
reacted to emotionally.
Next, c) share what ideas, hopes, fears, wants, needs or values of
yours touched off your emotional response to his or her behavior.
Then d) request--without any implicit punishment for
noncompliance--specific behaviors (in the present moment) of your
lover or friend that would meet the need in you that his or her
e) Ask your lover/friend to give you feedback on her or his reaction
to steps a, b, c and d above.
[Relax and take turns with your partner. You take each other through
the cues below. The reader reads the cues in bold aloud to a
partner, the responder. Reader reads anything enclosed in square
brackets [like this] silently. Where you see asterisks (* * *), it's
the responder’s cue to respond: give her/him a few breaths to do so.
Tell me of an incident or recurrent situation where you experience
emotional upset or distress in reaction to my BEHAVIOR or the
behavior of a lover or friend. ***
Tell me what you hear me/her/him [select
appropriate pronoun] say and see me/her/him do. ***
Express to me how you feel EMOTIONally when you see or hear the
behavior you react to emotionally. ***
What ideas, hopes, fears, wants, NEEDS or values of yours launched
your emotional response to my/his/her behavior? ***.
Make REQUESTS now. Tell me/him/her what I/she/he can do, specific
behaviors a camera could see to help you meet the need my/his/her
behavior triggered. ***
What would you like to tell me about your experience responding to
these cues? ***