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1) Love is eternal, involvement, negotiable. Love your lovers
forever, celebrate what you've shared. Wish them well and
good-loving with whomever they connect, whether or not they keep
connecting with you at the level and with the quality you want. You
and they blessed each other, facilitated each other's progress and
development in life's learning. Shower lovers past with
appreciations and put your efforts into your currently active loves.
2) Uplevel addictive involvement--that which makes you suffer if you
lack the contact you desire--to preference. If your attachment to a
certain form of contact (regular alone time with a certain lover)
hurts when you do not get it, transform that addictive demand (she
must spend a certain amount and quality of 1x1 time with me) to a
preference (I'm ok, in fact, quite happy, whether she does or does
not spend time with me). Just keep telling your truth without blame
or judgment to all concerned and enjoy what you've got, don't sweat
what you've not.
3) Reprogram the subself within you that perseveres in addictive
behavior; find out when it came into your life, how it served you
then, what it has done throughout the years to protect your
vulnerability and what its interest is in holding on to the current
diminishing relationship. Seriously consider other, more
ecologically homoeostatic means of meeting the needs of this
persevering subself's addictive demands.
3) Never regard yourself as a second-class human, who must always
defer to others' needs. You're sovereign; you must make yourself
happy. Empathize with your own emotions, analyze your needs, make
loving requests of those who care about you, requests that, if
lovingly met, meet your needs. As much as possible, meet your own
needs and experience the joy that attracts others to you.
*Based on Keyes, K.,1979, A Conscious Person's Guide to
Relationships, Living Love.
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